Kaleidoscope

While attending a family gathering a few days ago, I happened to meet one of my relatives after a couple of years. It had been quite some time since I had last seen him, and looking at him now, left me a little dazed. Who stood before me now, was a young and handsome adolescent chap, dressed in formal clothes, like a perfect gentleman. Looking at him brought back memories of what he looked like when I’d seen him for the very first time in life. I can still visualize the chubby cheeked, round faced baby with fair, almost pink face and spiky hair, dressed in pink woollen clothes when I close my eyes. How he screamed in a high pitched croaky voice as his elder brother and I conveniently changed rules of the silly games we played while it was his turn.

As I looked at him now, I could feel a lump growing in my throat. While I was giving a long, blank stare at him, he snapped his fingers before my face and asked me if I was alright. I gave him a smile. Started a polite conversation. Gave him another smile and walked away. I couldn’t help turning back and taking another look at him as I walked away. Why did he have to grow up?

As a child, I always wanted to grow up. I behaved like an adult and expected others to treat me like one. I did not like being called or treated like a child. I wondered why Dad called me those stupid nick names. I hated being called by my pet name in public. I couldn’t tolerate being given instructions. I never realized that those days will never come back. Those days when every mistake was forgivable, every excuse was acceptable (well at least some were), when nobody took anything I said or did seriously.

But life is a kaleidoscope. It is amazing how it looks different when viewed at from different angles. As I stand at the threshold of adulthood today, I only want to look back. I long for those days when people pampered me. What hurts me most is when people very close to my heart call me by my formal name. It feels like they are stabbing me- right through my heart. I can almost hear myself yelling back at them, “do you have to remind me every now and then, that I’m not a child anymore?”

I realised something the other day. I realised how parents probably feel, when their children snap back, argue or decide to go on a stubborn rampage for apparently no reason. That explains a lot of things…..the lump in the throat…the stab in the heart…the blank stare….the smile…the polite talk….the walking away….the turning back and looking again….Life is a kaleidoscope…it is a pity that we look at it from only one direction at a time…..